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Erika Ettin, founder of dating site A Little Nudge, said one immediate red flag is if your date is late without informing you. Everyone gets caught up sometimes, and it's fine to be late if you notify the person what's happened. But turning up half an hour past the meeting time without saying anything may be a sign of disrespect.
"He or she needs to value your time," Ettin said. And presuming you're fine waiting around for them without knowing where they are is quite insulting.
This isn't necessarily enough to write the person off. Their phone may have run out of battery, or they could have been on a train with no signal. But it is something to be aware of, because you don't want it to become a habit.
Ettin said it's not a great sign if your date talks the whole time. "While this may be nerves, it may also be a sign of a bit of an ego," she said.
Also, it's not unheard of for someone to actually order for you without asking what you want. While this may simply be a sign of a self-absorbed idiot, it could also be a warning sign that they have some controlling tendencies.
Be careful, because overly repressive behaviour early on could be their way of testing your boundaries. In the long run, this could be an indicator of coercive control.
Robyn Exton, founder and CEO of dating app HER, told Insider you should be aware of where your date wants to meet up, because this can be very revealing. If they want you to come to their house, for example, or somewhere you've never heard of, that could be a red flag.
"Location says a lot and it's important you feel safe there," Exton said. "I am a huge fan of a FaceTime or call before meeting — it makes the date less nervy for me as well and helps get a read on how someone responds to requests."
Your gut feeling is important in these situations, Exton added, and "if it feels unsafe or fishy, it probably is."
"Let a friend know you are going on a date and where you will be," she said.
If you find you are trying to hard to "win" your date's affection and attention, this is also a warning sign, Exton said.
"This can happen if someone has been bread-crumbing you and making you fight for their attention," she said, referring to a manipulative tactic where someone gives their date just enough morsels of attention to keep stringing them along.
"If you're finding yourself doing whatever it takes just to get a bit of their affection, check yourself," Exton said. "Are you really paying attention to how they make you feel and what they are showing you about themselves?"
If your date is always on his or her phone, actively checking it throughout the date, or is constantly looking around to see what else (or who else) is out there, they aren't really present, Ettin said.
Of course, they might be waiting on an important call from a relative or a job. But if they don't explain this to you, leaving you to come to your own conclusions, that isn't a particularly good sign.
"Your date is rude, to a server or to anyone for that matter," Ettin said. "If this is the first impression, imagine what life would be like."
In other words, if your date is willing to be rude to the person who is just doing their job, there's no reason they wouldn't turn that around on you. After all, people are generally their best selves on a first date because they're trying to give a good impression. And as first impressions go, rudeness isn't ideal.
Gabriela Reyes, a dating expert at dating app Chispa, said you should pay attention to how your date treats everyone, not just you.
"While they're putting their best foot forward with you and trying to impress you, it says a lot about a person if they're treating others poorly," she told Insider. "You being on the receiving end of that treatment at some point is likely."
A little romance goes a long way, and everyone likes to feel special. But if someone is going overboard the first time they meet you, it could be something more sinister than them just being really into you.
If your date is showering you with affection, gifts, and compliments to an excessive degree, they may be trying to manipulate you into thinking you've found "the one," with a tactic known as "love bombing."
Trotter said the tell-tale sign of love bombing is your date being "overly expressive in how they feel about you too early on.
"This can show up as love bombing which can feel good and ego-gratifying but is disingenuous and toxic over time," she said.
Essentially, the victim falls into a false sense of security, which allows the abuser to start taking advantage of them in the future when their mask starts to slip.
Sometimes love bombing will only become apparent after a few weeks, but incredibly manipulative people may try and overwhelm you right away on the first date.
Katie Hood, the CEO of One Love Foundation, told Insider the first date is often like a dream or a scene from a movie, because your date is so charming and complimentary of you, telling you you're such a special person and they are so glad to be with you.
"It's actually right at this phase that you need to pay the most attention to balance in your relationship and also how you're truly feeling in your gut about how things are going," she said.
"If the pace feels too fast, it's important to pay attention. Quick 'I love you's' or moves to exclusivity before you really know each other may indicate you're with a person who wants to label you as 'his' or 'hers,' a hallmark of a controlling personality."
Trotter said it's a warning sign if your date doesn't respect your boundaries, which can manifest in several different ways.
"They might overshare about their life. They might ask you too many personal questions. They may get too touchy or sexual early on. They may be pushy about ordering more drinks or staying later than you want," she said. "Any one of these behaviors is a boundary issue and a significant red flag."
Reyes agreed this is a massive warning sign.
"If you make it clear to this person that you don't want to be touched, that you don't want that next drink or that you'd like to head home and they don't respect this?" she told Insider. "Huge red flag."
Reyes said that arguably the most important red flag can be found in how you feel.
"Take a bathroom break and check in with yourself," she said. "If you get a bad 'gut feeling' or despite being able to explain it, you feel uneasy about this person, escape the situation as soon as possible. In the mental-health field, we like to say the gut is a second brain. Trust it."
You should also not dismiss your date's behavior as "first date nerves" if they get blind drunk, use substances, or do anything else that makes you feel uncomfortable. While it may be true that they were just nervous, the other possibility that they have a drinking or drug problem is also very real.
"Again, red flag means keep an eye out," Reyes said.
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